Noah In Nyanaland

If there’s one thing Nyana’s early arrival has taught me over and over again (aside from patience) is that life isn’t fair. I’ve mourned the pregnancy that I didn’t get. I’ve moaned “why me?” as I tried to comprehend just how tiny and fragile 1,110 grams of human is. I’ve bitched about nurses and doctors and rooms with a view for three months now, all the while realizing that even though life isn’t fair, you have no choice but to play the hand you were dealt.

Baby NoahIt was back in April when then this little man’s Mom came into my life. I’ve never met her and have never been to the town she lives in. There are enough differences between her and I that I’m fairly positive if I just randomly met her one day, I wouldn’t be her friend. And yet here I am after spending a good portion of my day thinking about her and her newborn son, and feeling like I’d just been punched in the gut.

I met Liz* on an online discussion forum for pregnant ladies. There are about 70 of us active in our birth club, members from all corners of the country, all of us due in December. We migrated to Facebook and used a private group to gossip and groan to each other throughout our pregnancies. No matter what the gripe was about, there was always a supportive ear on the other end offering up, “What me to slap a bitch for you?”

When things started to go wrong with my pregnancy, Liz and the other girls rallied around me and were more supportive than I think they know. Like nearly all of my Winter Babies mamas, Liz has been a vehement Nyana Army Warrior from the very beginning and has always been genuinely interested in our Chubchub’s progress. Although few of us have ever met each other, we all consider each other good friends at this point and hope the camaraderie lasts well beyond our pregnancies and into parenthood.

We all watched as Liz reached her due date and beyond. She’d had a perfect, healthy pregnancy, and when they induced her 10 days past her due date, they were expecting nothing short of a healthy—although perhaps a bit hefty—baby boy.

Unfortunately, this world has other plans for Baby Noah.

Some breathing issues at birth led to a NICU visit, which led to being airlifted to the city, where three days after he was born it was determined that Liz’s beautiful baby boy was, for a lack of better term, brain dead. He’ll likely never eat or walk or talk on his own. Liz and her partner were now faced with a decision no parent should ever, ever have to make: do we let the machines live for him?

I’ve spent many hours today contemplating how something like this can happen. How can my little one, born way too early and way too small, be on the fast track towards happytimes at home while just one province away, a healthy pregnancy yielded a full-term baby who has to fight an even greater fight than Nyana did? It’s just not fair.

My heart is broken today for Liz and her family, and just about everything about today has made me feel like an ass for complaining these past three months about the situation Don and I are in. Liz’s parents will be joining her at the hospital in the morning and Liz is hopeful Noah will survive the transport back to her hometown before they disconnect the ventilators and let nature take its course.

Please say a prayer for my dear friend that she and her partner can find peace in the decision they’ve made and that they’re able to find the love and happiness they did enjoy with their son during his short time here. And then go kiss someone you love.


About Mrs. B

Wife, mother, marketer--not always in that order. Lover of fine food, good company, and exceptional grammar. Mother of one former micro-preemie and one full-term monster baby. Building childhood memories in Vancouver's suburbs.
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17 Responses to Noah In Nyanaland

  1. Chantal says:

    I cried all over again for them – you are the best support for her and her family Karen. This is a very fitting way to let Noah’s story be heard and for us all to appreciate everything we have.

  2. Juju says:

    Prayers for Noah, Liz, and Dad and grandparents. What a heartbreak.

    Yes, count your blessings indeed.

  3. Linda says:

    We never realize how truly fortunate we are until we are made aware of another persons grief ~ my heart tumbled with sadness when I read about Liz and Noah. You are right, Karen that life isn’t fair but it is not up to us to question this.

    Please convey to Liz and her family that I, along with many more people will be sending warm thoughts and prayers her way.

    This entry has definitely put things into perspective.

    Love you all,

  4. Perspective, indeed. But I have learned that pain is pain and really there is no “less than” or “more than” in terms of being qualified to complain. You just deal with what you do have and support those in pain and help them to remember, when sometimes it seems the world doesn’t want to hear, wants people to “get on with life”. Life does get on, but we bring our memories along for the next ride.

    So we will help you now in sending prayers for your friend and encourage you to keep her as a friend, so that you can share her later joys as well, while never forgetting this time, now, this child, now.

    I hope they get their bonding time before they have to say goodbye.

    And you can just give Nyana that one extra hug, or kiss or breathe in her baby scent one extra time today and know it is okay to smile (or complain! You are the Defenders of your Princess!) today and every day.

  5. Jennifer says:

    I think that is the saddest thing I have ever heard. I am glad that you can be a support to Liz and her family through this time.

  6. Benton says:

    I read this entry aloud to Sandra and had to stop several times to “gather” myself. Please pass on to Liz and her family our thoughts and prayers . Other people have said it better ….. but this story, does indeed, put things in perspective and your telling of it in such a warm, honest and caring way makes me realize even more how special a friend Liz and her family have.

  7. Heather Mullen says:

    Such beautiful words, we have all become such close virtual friends. I think everyone’s heart is breaking right now for Noah. I have not stopped thinking of them all day. I am constantly amazed at Nyana’s progress and your strength. Hopefully, “Liz” will gain strength from you and her family and friends, as well as her virtual friends. Holding my baby even tighter today with tears for Noah.

  8. Carolyn Schmid says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this, Karen. Life really is colossally unfair sometimes.

  9. Mary Ward says:

    Oh wow. My heart breaks for Liz and her family and for baby Noah and all that he could have been for this world. I pray for peace for them and peace for Noah. It makes all my struggles in life feel so very small right now.

  10. Jenny says:

    You have my thoughts and prayers for peace for Noah, his parents, and his family. This is heartbreaking, and it is unfair. All of the pain that all these babies and families are going through? Unfair. There’s no two ways about it.

    My person belief goes like this. Things happen because. There’s no ‘why’. There’s no cause, a lot of the time. It just ‘is’. As comforting as it seems like it would be to have something to point to and say that’s why this happened, for so many things, it just doesn’t exist.

    The other thing I learned, back when I was watching my sixteen year old cousin battle bone cancer, is that we are all entitled to our own pain. There’s always someone out there worse off, and it pays to be aware of the pain and suffering of others, absolutely. But even though that’s true, your pain (general you, but you-Karen too) is still important. So don’t feel guilty for your concern, previous and ongoing, for your little-big wonder. I know that you’re the type of person who has room in their heart for both yourself and your little family, and for the others around you who need your support.

  11. Sue (Watching2) says:

    What a heartbreak. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. Life is definitely not fair. I

  12. Shannon says:

    After my little one was born we had a few minutes of silence and the pediatrician was called in, it was the longest, scariest 3 minutes of my life and my husband’s life just waiting for him to cry. I just cannot imagine how this beautiful little family is feeling right now.
    This is a beautiful tribute to their journey with Noah, Karen. It is all so unfair. This wasn’t supposed to turn out this way for her.

  13. Biscottiii says:

    Oh, I am so sorry to read this heartbreaking story. Sending warm thoughts to Baby Noah and his Family for the ordeal they are facing.

  14. Diana says:

    Karen, you have been such a friend to Noah’s Mom – one strong Mom in a helluva situation to another. Thank you for sharing their story on here. No matter what is going on in our lives right now, we can all find a little something to be grateful for. Merry Christmas to you, Don, and Nyana.

  15. tara says:

    My prayers go out to Liz and her family as they face the hardest decision any parent would have to make. Baby Noah is blessed to have such amazing parents. Thank you, Karen, for being there for her and her family through all of this sadness. Blessings to you and your family.

  16. Pingback: Sweet Dreams, Baby Neema | ♡ & Baby Makes Three – Prairie Baby Dreams ♡

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